{"id":1823,"date":"2019-03-24T11:28:13","date_gmt":"2019-03-24T17:28:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/billbelsey.com\/?p=1823"},"modified":"2019-03-24T11:31:21","modified_gmt":"2019-03-24T17:31:21","slug":"bullying-org-a-learning-journey","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/billbelsey.com\/?p=1823","title":{"rendered":"Bullying.org -A Learning Journey"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul class=\"wpfai-list\"><li class=\"wpfai-list-item facebook\">\r\n      <a href=\"http:\/\/www.facebook.com\/sharer.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fbillbelsey.com%2Findex.php%3Frest_route%3D%252Fwp%252Fv2%252Fposts%252F1823&amp;t=\" title=\"Facebook\" class=\"wpfai-facebook wpfai-link wpfainw\">\r\n        <span class=\"fa-stack \">\r\n          \r\n          <i class=\"fa fa-facebook fa-stack-1x \"><\/i>\r\n        <\/span>\r\n      <\/a>\r\n    <\/li><li class=\"wpfai-list-item twitter\">\r\n      <a href=\"http:\/\/twitter.com\/share?text=&url=http%3A%2F%2Fbillbelsey.com%2Findex.php%3Frest_route%3D%252Fwp%252Fv2%252Fposts%252F1823\" title=\"Twitter\" class=\"wpfai-twitter wpfai-link wpfainw\">\r\n        <span class=\"fa-stack \">\r\n          \r\n          <i class=\"fa fa-twitter fa-stack-1x \"><\/i>\r\n        <\/span>\r\n      <\/a>\r\n    <\/li><li class=\"wpfai-list-item google-plus\">\r\n      <a href=\"https:\/\/plus.google.com\/share?url=http%3A%2F%2Fbillbelsey.com%2Findex.php%3Frest_route%3D%252Fwp%252Fv2%252Fposts%252F1823\" title=\"Google Plus\" class=\"wpfai-google-plus wpfai-link wpfainw\">\r\n        <span class=\"fa-stack \">\r\n          \r\n          <i class=\"fa fa-google-plus fa-stack-1x \"><\/i>\r\n        <\/span>\r\n      <\/a>\r\n    <\/li><li class=\"wpfai-list-item pinterest\">\r\n      <a href=\"http:\/\/pinterest.com\/pin\/create\/button\/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fbillbelsey.com%2Findex.php%3Frest_route%3D%252Fwp%252Fv2%252Fposts%252F1823&amp;description=&amp;media=\" title=\"Pinterest\" class=\"wpfai-pinterest wpfai-link wpfainw\">\r\n        <span class=\"fa-stack \">\r\n          \r\n          <i class=\"fa fa-pinterest fa-stack-1x \"><\/i>\r\n        <\/span>\r\n      <\/a>\r\n    <\/li><li class=\"wpfai-list-item linkedin\">\r\n      <a href=\"http:\/\/linkedin.com\/shareArticle?mini=true&amp;url=http%3A%2F%2Fbillbelsey.com%2Findex.php%3Frest_route%3D%252Fwp%252Fv2%252Fposts%252F1823&amp;title=\" title=\"Linked In\" class=\"wpfai-linkedin wpfai-link wpfainw\">\r\n        <span class=\"fa-stack \">\r\n          \r\n          <i class=\"fa fa-linkedin fa-stack-1x \"><\/i>\r\n        <\/span>\r\n      <\/a>\r\n    <\/li><li class=\"wpfai-list-item tumblr\">\r\n      <a href=\"http:\/\/www.tumblr.com\/share\/link?url=http%3A%2F%2Fbillbelsey.com%2Findex.php%3Frest_route%3D%252Fwp%252Fv2%252Fposts%252F1823&amp;name=&amp;description=\" title=\"Tumblr\" class=\"wpfai-tumblr wpfai-link wpfainw\">\r\n        <span class=\"fa-stack \">\r\n          \r\n          <i class=\"fa fa-tumblr fa-stack-1x \"><\/i>\r\n        <\/span>\r\n      <\/a>\r\n    <\/li><li class=\"wpfai-list-item stumbleupon\">\r\n      <a href=\"http:\/\/www.stumbleupon.com\/submit?url=http%3A%2F%2Fbillbelsey.com%2Findex.php%3Frest_route%3D%252Fwp%252Fv2%252Fposts%252F1823\" title=\"Stumble Upon\" class=\"wpfai-stumbleupon wpfai-link wpfainw\">\r\n        <span class=\"fa-stack \">\r\n          \r\n          <i class=\"fa fa-stumbleupon fa-stack-1x \"><\/i>\r\n        <\/span>\r\n      <\/a>\r\n    <\/li><li class=\"wpfai-list-item envelope\">\r\n      <a href=\"mailto:?subject=&amp;body=http%3A%2F%2Fbillbelsey.com%2Findex.php%3Frest_route%3D%252Fwp%252Fv2%252Fposts%252F1823%20-%20\" title=\"E-Mail\" class=\"wpfai-envelope wpfai-link wpfainw\">\r\n        <span class=\"fa-stack \">\r\n          \r\n          <i class=\"fa fa-envelope fa-stack-1x \"><\/i>\r\n        <\/span>\r\n      <\/a>\r\n    <\/li><li class=\"wpfai-list-item bullseye\">\r\n      <a href=\"http:\/\/www.specificfeeds.com\/follow\" title=\"Specific Feeds\" class=\"wpfai-bullseye wpfai-link wpfainw\">\r\n        <span class=\"fa-stack \">\r\n          \r\n          <i class=\"fa fa-bullseye fa-stack-1x \"><\/i>\r\n        <\/span>\r\n      <\/a>\r\n    <\/li><\/ul>\n<p>By Bill Belsey<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>On April 29<sup>th<\/sup>, 1999, in the\nnormally peaceful farming community of Taber, Alberta, not far from where I\nlive, that a young man named Jason Lang lost his life to a fellow student with\na gun at W.R. Meyers High School.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This event changed my life forever. Like so\nmany around the world, I was completely shocked and mortified by the school\nshootings at Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado eight days\nprior.&nbsp; Yet, it was what happened at\nTaber that really change me. I realized that what happened at Columbine was not\nsome &#8220;American problem`, it was not my problem too, as a father, teacher and\nas a Canadian citizen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I wondered how could young people become so\ndamaged in their own lives that they would choose to harm others? It was\nsuggested at the time, that bullying played a role in these events.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I thought that I understood what bullying\nwas all about, after all, hadn\u2019t I made it through the many challenges of\ngrowing up and going to school like everyone else? Hadn\u2019t I gone to university\nto learn to become a teacher? Wasn\u2019t I trying to be a decent father in raising\nmy own kids with the challenges that they faced? I soon realized that I really\ndidn\u2019t know much about bullying at all and that what I did know was based upon\nso many myths and false perceptions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I decided that this was a personal call to\naction. I realized that I needed to learn what bullying was really all about. I\nbegan to research and read everything I could. I asked so many questions to\nanyone who would take the time to listen and respond. I was so very fortunate\nto have been helped and mentored by some of the world\u2019s best academic researchers\non the topic of bullying, such as Debra Pepler and Wendy Craig in Canada, Ken\nRigby in Australia and many more.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>On February 16, 2000, I launched the\nWebsite <a href=\"http:\/\/www.bullying.org\">www.bullying.org<\/a> as a safe,\nmoderated, online community where people could find help, support and\ninformation as they went on their own learning journeys about bullying.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So what have I learned? A lot! Some of\nwhich will surprise, but I hope what follows will inform.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>First, let me be clear. I am NOT a\npsychologist or professor. I don\u2019t have a PhD. I am a father and teacher. So\nwith this understanding up front, let\u2019s begin with what bullying is.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>While academics debate the actual wording\nof a formal definition of bullying, most agree that there are at least three\nkey aspects of bullying behaviour; that there is an imbalance of power in\nrelationships where bullying occurs, that bullying behaviours are repeated and\nthat they are intentional. Bullying can be done by individuals or groups.\nBullying is about power and control. Bullying takes many forms, and can include\nmany different behaviours, such as: Physical violence and attacks ,verbal\ntaunts, name-calling and put-downs, threats and intimidation, extortion or\nstealing of money and possessions, exclusion from the peer group or shunning,\nusing information technologies and the Internet to bully others, A term I\ncoined as cyberbullying, please see <a href=\"http:\/\/www.cyberbullying.ca\">www.cyberbullying.ca<\/a>\nfor more information. Perhaps cyberbullying will be a topic of a future article.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Let\u2019s debunk some of the myths about\nbullying.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Myth: \u201cBullying is a school issue, let the\nteachers handle it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Fact: Bullying is a community health and\nwellness issue. Bullying happens in families, the workplace, at shopping\ncentres, the hockey arena and to seniors. While educators play a very important\nrole in addressing bullying, schools effectiveness in addressing bullying\nimproves substantially when parents and the community is involved.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Myth: \u201cBullying is a stage and is a normal\npart of growing up.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Fact: Bullying is not \u201cnormal\u201d or socially\nacceptable behaviour. We give bullies power by our acceptance of this\nbehaviour. Being scared to go so school, or being an adult who does not want to\ngo to work because they\u2019re being harassed is NOT normal. Being a teenage girl\nwho cuts herself and then hides it so others won\u2019t see, is NOT normal. Thinking\nabout or acting on suicidal thoughts is NOT normal. Thinking about or acting on\ntaking a weapon to go to school is NOT normal. We should never accept bullying\nbehaviours as \u201cnormal\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Myth: \u201cBullies come from poor homes\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Fact: Bullies can come from affluent\nfamilies too. Bullies often come from homes that are neglectful and hostile and\nuse harsh punishment. Bullying may be learned by observing high levels of\nconflict between parents. Care needs to be given so that they do not model\nbullying for their children. -(Olweus. 1993) Victims often keep their problems\na secret: They feel they should handle bullying themselves; they worry about\nthe bully\u2019s revenge or other\u2019s disapproval: and\/or they think that others can\ndo little to help them. -(Garfalo et al., 1987) , (Olweus, 1991) Bullying is\nreduced in an organization if leadership is committed to reducing\nbullying.&nbsp; -(Charach et al., 1995)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Myth: \u201cIf I tell someone, it will just make\nit worse.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Fact: Research shows that bullying will\nstop when adults in authority and peers get involved. In fact, the research of\nPepler and Craig has shown that most bullying will stop in less than ten\nseconds when peers intervene, not to confront or fight the bully, but by\nbefriend their peers who need help and support.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Myth:&nbsp;\n\u201cPeople are born bullies\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Fact: There is no &#8220;B&#8221; chromosome.\nBullying is a learned behaviour and behaviours can be changed for the better\nthrough formative consequences that encourage, support and reward healthy\nrelationship choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Myth:&nbsp;\n\u201cJust hit them back, that will solve everything\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Fact: While there indeed may be times when\npeople have to defend themselves, in most cases violence begets more violence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So what is really going on when bullying\nhappens?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>First of all it happens a lot. Bullying\noccurs in school playgrounds every 7 minutes and once every 25 minutes in class\n(Pepler et al., 1997)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A power differential exists between the\nbully and the victim. Bullies tend to be confident, aggressive, lack empathy\nand can even have contempt for their victims. Bullies come from homes where\nthere is poor supervision and modeling of and tolerance for aggressive\nbehaviour. Victims tend to be quiet, passive children with few friends. Victims\ndo not respond effectively to aggressive actions. Bullying is often done so that\nadults are not aware of it. Victims are ashamed, and often don&#8217;t tell an adult.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Bullying is not about conflict resolution.\nThere is no conflict to be resolved. In situations that can benefit from\nconflict resolution strategies, the parties involved have relatively equal\npower. With bullying, most the power resides with the aggressor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>What are some signs that your child may be\nbullied?<br>\n\u2022 trouble sleeping, wetting the bed, stomach and headaches<br>\n\u2022 lack of appetite, throwing up<br>\n\u2022 fear of going to school<br>\n\u2022 crying before\/after school<br>\n\u2022 missing or incomplete school work, decreased success in class<br>\n\u2022 lack of interest at social events that include other students<br>\n\u2022 often complains of illness before school events<br>\n\u2022 frequent visits to the school nurse or office complaining of feeling sick<br>\n\u2022 wants to call mom or dad to come &amp; get them<br>\n\u2022 lowered self-esteem, makes negative comments about others<br>\n\u2022 a marked change in attitude, dress or habits<br>\n\u2022 unexplained broken personal possessions, loss of money, loss of personal\nitems<br>\n\u2022 unexplained bruises &amp; injuries or stories that don&#8217;t make sense<br>\n\u2022 acting out aggression at home<br>\n<br>\nSo what\u2019s to be done? Focus on prevention through education and awareness. Most\nschools these days have policies about bullying, but this is not enough. Most\npolicies tend to be reactive and punitive. It\u2019s like putting a bandage on a cut\nthat is bleeding profusely. It\u2019s too little, too late.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Bullying is often the number one\nnon-academic issue that most classroom teachers like myself and school administrators\nface. Yet, there are many educators who never received a research-based, professional\ncourse during their teacher-training at university or during their time as\neducators in schools. How can this be? This situation is like having nurses and\ndoctors who don\u2019t know how to help the public with the flu. This must change!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>One in four children report that teachers\nintervene in bullying situations, while seven in ten teachers believe they\nalways intervene.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>To address situation, I created <a href=\"http:\/\/www.bullyingcourse.com\">www.bullyingcourse.com<\/a> which offers\nresearch-based online courses and Webinars (online presentations) about\nbullying and cyberbullying for educators and parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The good news is that bullying is reduced\nin a school if the principal is committed to reducing bullying. (Charach et\nal., 1995). Use this report card when you talk to your school\u2019s principal to\nassess how well they are addressing bullying, <a href=\"http:\/\/bullyingcourse.com\/mod\/resource\/view.php?id=367\">http:\/\/bullyingcourse.com\/mod\/resource\/view.php?id=367<\/a>\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In addition to having policies, schools\nneed to have positive, pro-active plans to help change the culture and climate\nof the school. As a parent, you it is most reasonable to ask your child\u2019s\nschool is they have such a plan. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Beware if your child\u2019s principal says that\nthey have a \u201cZero-Tolerance Policy\u201d re. bullying. The term \u201cZero-Tolerance\u201d\nactually came from the \u201cAnti-drug Wars\u2019 in the United States. In far too many\ncases a \u201cZero-Tolerance Policy\u201d policy means, \u201cYou bully and you\u2019re out\u201d. Out\nwhere? This response changes little. The aggressor is still in the community\nand has learned nothing about how to adopt appropriate behaviours. Those who\nbully need consequences to be sure, but the students and the community is\nbetter served by formative consequences, that is consequences that encourage\nand support positive, healthy relationship choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Bullying is about power, control and\nunhealthy relationships. Simplistic solutions to addressing relationship issues\nare not real solutions at all. Healthy relationship building takes time and\nthought. We need thoughtful, sophisticated plans to address complex\nrelationship issues such as bullying.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In the short term, the safety, security and\nwell-being of the person being bullied should be a school\u2019s primary concern.\nChildren who are bullied should not be the ones who have to change classroom or\neven changes schools, which is often not possible in smaller communities, yet\nthis is what happens far too often. If this happens, this means that the victim\nis victimized twice over, all because the school may not really know what to\ndo. As a parent of a child being bullied, do not accept the bullying behavior\nas a problem your child has to live with. The bullying behavior is the\nresponsibility of those who bully, not the child being bullied. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Beware of labeling someone as a \u201cbully\u201d.\nFocus on the inappropriate behaviour.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.bullying.org\">www.bullying.org<\/a>\nhas become the world\u2019s most visited and referenced Website about bullying.\nDuring the last decade, the Website has hosted millions of visitors and\ncontributors from across Canada and around the world. The questions that are\nmost often asked are, \u201cWhat did I do to deserve this? And what is wrong with\nme?\u201d Let your kids know that they are NOT alone and that you are there to\nlisten and to support them. Being bullied is NOT their fault and there is a lot\ncan be done about it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Schools need to encourage and support\nstudents\u2019 ideas and leadership. Why? Remember the research about most bullying\nhappening in the context of a peer group, with no adults around? That\u2019s why. Rather\nthan teachers being totally responsible for preventing bullying, teachers can\nbecome \u201csocial architects\u201d to facilitate students themselves finding solutions\nto bullying.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If most bullying happens in the context of\na peer group when adults aren\u2019t around, we need to give our kids strategies\nthey can employ if they are being bullied or if they see bullying happening\naround them. The vast majority of students indicate that watching bullying\nmakes them feel uncomfortable (Pepler et al., 1997). There is also some recent\nresearch that indicates that the psychological effects of observing bullying\ncan be just as harmful as those who are being victimized. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Research also tells us that 15% of a given\npopulation may be involved with bullying directly as victims or aggressors,\nthat means that 85% of a school\u2019s population may not be directly involved, but\nthey actually ARE all affected, indirectly. We know that it is the silence of\nothers that gives bullies their power. Young people must acquire feelings of\nindividual responsibility, but also reflect on their own behaviour when\nbullying occurs, whether they initiate, receive or observe bullying. As\nparents, we can encourage and support this. That means that teachers and\nparents need to work together to have our kids understand that they have the\npower to stand up to bullying. However, that\u2019s easy for an adult to say to a\nchild, it\u2019s often really hard for kids to do in the context of the schoolyard,\nschool bus or gym change room.&nbsp; This is\nwhy Bullying.org has established the \u201cCanada\u2019s Caring Kids Awards\u201d. To nominate\na positive young person who shows this kind of leadership, please visit <a href=\"http:\/\/www.bullyingawarenessweek.org\/pdf\/Caring_Kids_Award.pdf\">http:\/\/www.bullyingawarenessweek.org\/pdf\/Caring_Kids_Award.pdf<\/a>\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So what can you do as a parent? Ask your\nchild directly if they are being bullied. Often children do not wish to tell\ntheir parents due to shame and embarrassment, or fear that bullies will\nretaliate if they tell. Look for signs such as: fear of going to school, lack\nof friends, missing belongings and torn clothing, and increased fearfulness and\nanxiety. Work with the school immediately to make sure your child is safe; that\neffective consequences are applied toward the bully, and that monitoring at\nschool is adequate. Advocate for involvement of the bully\u2019s parents. If the\nbullying is happening on the way to and from school, arrange for the child to\nget to school with older, supportive children, or take him or her until other\ninterventions can take place. If your child is timid, and lacks friends, try to\narrange for your child to participate in positive social groups which meet his\nor her interests. Developing your child\u2019s special skills and confidence in the\ncontext of a positive social group can be very helpful. Suggest that the school\nimplement a comprehensive, research-based, anti-bullying program. A home and\nschool association meeting to discuss and support such an initiative can be\nhelpful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>What else can be done? Prepare our kids\nwith support and strategies. I am ashamed to admit that when my son was much\nyounger, he told me that he was being bullied and I actually said to him, \u201cWell\nson, what are you doing to bring this on?\u201d As if it was HIS fault! I was living\nproof that the old myths and attitudes about bullying die hard. It takes a lot\nof courage for kids to tell you that bullying is going on because they are\nworried that adults will make it worse. I get this because I use to be one of\nthose parents and teachers who did make it worse. So if your child tells you that\nthey are being bullied, believe them. Become your child\u2019s champion and\nadvocate. Research informs us that kids often have to tell a number of adults\nbefore they finally get one to help them. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>What else should parents do to support\ntheir child when approaching the school? Although as parents we may feel quite\nemotional about this, try and keep cool. Don\u2019t try and bully your child\u2019s\nteacher and principal into dealing with the situation. If you do, you will be\nmodelling the very behaviour you want to stop. Document everything that\nhappens. Keep a diary. Take photos if you observe physical or material damage.\nIf action is not being taken write an e-mail or letter to our child\u2019s teacher\nand copy it to the school administration outlining the problem. Be specific as\nto dates, events, physical evidence that you have noted etc. Arrange a meeting\nto find out what the school is doing about the situation. Agree to a timetable\nand\/or a schedule of actions that the school will take. If this schedule is not\nadhered to as promised, write to the school and send a copy to the School Board\noutlining your concerns and share the schedule and timetable that the school\nhad agreed to adhere to, which was not followed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If it\u2019s hard for your child to stand up for\nhim \/ herself, tell them to ignore the bullying and walk away, then tell an\nadult who can help. If they\u2019re scared to talk to an adult, encourage them to\nask a friend to go with them. Practice with your child as to what to say and do\nthe next time they are bullied. Kids who are bullied often freeze in such\nsituations. Creating and rehearsing simple scripts with pre-planned responses\ncan help a lot. Encourage them to go to areas where they feel safe.&nbsp; Encourage them to stay close to students who\nwill stick up for them.&nbsp; Encourage them\nto look brave and tell the child who bullies to back off. Encourage them to\nstay calm, try not to show that they are getting sad or mad, this is what\nbullies want to see. Encourage them to be safe, although there are some times\nwhen they may have to defend themselves, but fighting back can make things\nworse. Encourage them not to blame themselves, being bullied is NOT their\nfault.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>As parents we will often say to our kids,\n\u201cStop telling on your sister\/brother!\u201d And then when something really bad\nhappens we will ask, \u201cWhy didn\u2019t you tell us?\u201d Help your children understand\nthe difference between tattling, telling on others just to get them in trouble,\nversus reporting, which is telling others about a bad or an unsafe situation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>As parents, we need to be much more aware\nof our own behaviours. Kids will learn more from what we do and how we act, much\nmore than from what we tell them. We also need to model a tolerant attitude\ntoward others. There are far too many instances of kids taunting using slurs\nabout race, cultures or sexuality. How many suicides do their have to be before\nwe as parents realize that such attitudes and behaviours are learned, often\nfrom home.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If you suspect your child may be a bully,\nhere are some possible symptoms to watch for.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u2022 Abuses family or neighbourhood pets<br>\n\u2022 Torments children &#8211; always the instigator<br>\n\u2022 Lacks compassion or empathy towards others<br>\n\u2022 Gets enjoyment or acts like it is &#8220;cool&#8221; when someone gets injured<br>\n\u2022 Is a bully at home with adults and siblings<br>\n\u2022Is manipulative with adults, very agreeable, but then does whatever they want<br>\n\u2022 Is aggressive towards others<br>\n\u2022 Lacks social skills, has few friends or friends who go along with whatever\nyour child suggests they do<br>\n\u2022 Little concern for others\u2019 feelings<br>\n\u2022 Does not recognize impact of his\/her behaviour on others<br>\n\u2022 Aggressive with siblings, parents, teachers, friends, and animals<br>\n\u2022 Bossy and manipulative to get own way<br>\n\u2022 Possessing unexplained objects and\/or extra money<br>\n\u2022 Secretive about possessions, activities, and whereabouts<br>\n\u2022 Holds a positive attitude towards aggression<br>\n\u2022 Easily frustrated and quick to anger<br>\n\u2022Parents may model use of power and aggression by yelling, hitting, rejecting\nchild<br>\n\u2022 Parents may model use of power and aggression with each other<br>\n\u2022 Siblings may bully child at home<br>\n\u2022 Child has friends who bully and are aggressive<br>\n\u2022 Teachers or coaches may model use of power and aggression by yelling,\nexcluding, rejecting<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Here are some things you can do to turn the\nsituation around:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u2022 Talk to your child, talk to his or her\nteachers, and administrators. Keep in mind that a bully will try to deny or\nminimize his or her wrong-doing.<br>\n\u2022 Take the problem seriously. Children and youth who bully others often get\ninto serious trouble in later life, and may receive criminal convictions. They\nmay have continuing trouble in their relationships with others.<br>\n\u2022 Make it clear to your child that you will not tolerate this kind of\nbehaviour, and discuss with your child the negative impact bullying has on the\nvictims.<br>\n\u2022 Do not accept explanations that &#8220;it was all fun&#8221;.<br>\n\u2022 Arrange for an effective, non-violent consequence, which is in proportion\nwith the severity of your child\u2019s actions, and his or her age and stage of\ndevelopment. Corporal punishment carries the message that &#8220;might is\nright&#8221;.&nbsp;<br>\n\u2022 Increase your supervision of your child\u2019s activities and whereabouts, and who\nthey are associating with. Spend time with your child, and set reasonable rules\nfor their activities and curfews.<br>\n\u2022 Co-operate with the school in modifying your child\u2019s aggressive behaviour.\nFrequent communication with teachers and\/or administrators is important to find\nout how your child is doing in changing his or her behaviour.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u2022 Praise the efforts your child makes\ntoward non-violent and responsible behaviour, as well as for following home and\nschool rules. Keep praising any efforts the child makes.<br>\n\u2022 If your child is viewing violent television shows, including cartoons, and is\nplaying violent video games, this will increase violent and aggressive\nbehaviour. Change family and child\u2019s viewing and play patterns to non-violent\nones.<br>\n\u2022 Make sure that your child is not seeing violence between members of his or\nher family. Modelling of aggressive behaviour at home can lead to violence by\nthe child against others at school and in later life.<br>\n\u2022Seek help from a school psychologist, social worker, or children\u2019s mental\nhealth centre in the community if you would like support in working with your\nchild<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>As teachers, we need to remember that we\nare expected to live up to a Professional Code of Conduct. We need to watch our\nown language and behaviours in the classroom as well. We may think that using\nsarcasm may appear \u201ccool\u201d in a middle or high school class, but it may be quite\nembarrassing or hurtful to many students. I also know that some teachers can be\nbullies themselves. This can\u2019t be tolerated.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Despite being an increasingly complex and\ndemanding profession, I believe that as a teacher, I have one primary mission,\nto create the optimal environment for my students to achieve their potential as\nlearners. Students who are scared to come to school can never achieve their\nfull potential. Many thousands of students miss school every day because of\nbullying we can and need to do better for them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The reality is that the best and most\neffective solutions regarding bullying are ones wherein educators, parents and\nthe community work together. Playing the blame game only isolates the various stakeholders\nwho should be working together in the best interests of our children.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The bad news about bullying is also the\ngood news, in that is that bullying is about developing healthy relationships,\nsomething good parents and teachers have always been good at doing. Bullying is\nabout behaviour. When you think about it, behaviours such as smoking, drinking\nand driving, even recycling have all slowly, but surely changed for the better\nin Canada. I believe that while we may never completely eliminate bullying from\nsociety, if we can work together, we can make great strides in making a better\nCanada for our children and our children\u2019s\u2019 children to grow up in.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I would like to encourage you, your family,\nyour school, business and community to participate in the upcoming ninth annual\nNational Bullying Awareness Week, which will take place from November 13<sup>th<\/sup>\nto the 19<sup>th<\/sup>, 2011. See <a href=\"http:\/\/www.bullyingawarenessweek.org\/\">http:\/\/www.bullyingawarenessweek.org<\/a>\nfor more information.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>As my father use to tell me, \u201cWhat the mind\nconceive and the heart can believe, we CAN achieve!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>*Bullying.org is an educational\norganization that is dedicated to the prevention of bullying through education\nand awareness. We created and are responsible for maintaining:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.bullying.org\/\">http:\/\/www.bullying.org<\/a><br> &#8220;Where You Are <g class=\"gr_ gr_7 gr-alert gr_spell gr_inline_cards gr_run_anim ContextualSpelling ins-del\" id=\"7\" data-gr-id=\"7\">NOT<\/g> Alone!&#8221;<br> The world&#8217;s most-visited Website about bullying (no longer <g class=\"gr_ gr_16 gr-alert gr_spell gr_inline_cards gr_run_anim ContextualSpelling ins-del multiReplace\" id=\"16\" data-gr-id=\"16\">onlin<\/g>e)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.cyberbullying.ca\">http:\/\/www.cyberbullying.ca<\/a><br> &#8220;Always On? Always Aware!&#8221;<br> The world&#8217;s first Website about cyberbullyin<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.bullyingawarenessweek.org\/\">http:\/\/www.bullyingawarenessweek.org<\/a><br>\n&#8220;Prevention through education and awareness&#8221;<br>\nThe official Website for the annual National Bullying Awareness Week<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p> Please follow us on Twitter: <a href=\"http:\/\/www.twitter.com\/Bullying_org\">http:\/\/www.twitter.com\/Bullying_org<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.bullying.org\/\"><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>By Bill Belsey On April 29th, 1999, in the normally peaceful farming community of Taber, Alberta, not far from where I live, that a young man named Jason Lang lost&#8230; <span class=\"more-link\"><a href=\"https:\/\/billbelsey.com\/?p=1823\">Read More<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[12,4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1823","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-bullying","category-writing"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/billbelsey.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1823","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/billbelsey.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/billbelsey.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/billbelsey.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/billbelsey.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1823"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/billbelsey.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1823\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1826,"href":"https:\/\/billbelsey.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1823\/revisions\/1826"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/billbelsey.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1823"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/billbelsey.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1823"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/billbelsey.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1823"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}